We had to take an early furlough last month and return to Australia because I needed to have some more surgery. A mass had been detected in my uterus and I was to have a hysterectomy to remove it. Thankfully it was not related to my previous cancer but it was rather unsettling nonetheless. An overwhelming sense of fear and dread came over me that it could be "the beginning of the end" and all we could do was pray. God gave us two words before coming to Australia and they were 'rest' and 'wait'.
I'm not very good at stopping still. I like to be occupied and contributing but clearly God had brought us here to do just that. Be still, rest and wait on Him. After the surgery, my main focus was on pain management but as I improved physically, I found myself wrestling with negative thoughts and emotions. All kinds of fears, lies and accusations came into my mind and I began to loathe the silence. How could I rest with all this negativity? Again... I prayed and all I was hearing was 'rest' and 'wait'.
There is a time for everything and this was my time to be still...time to trust, be loved, listen and learn. I didn't need to solve anything or have answers and as soon as I accepted that, I felt His wonderful peace. I started focussing my thoughts on the truth of God's word and giving less weight to my feelings, believing that though I don't 'feel' loved, though it doesn't 'feel' like things are under control...I am and things are!! I have to keep coming back to what is truth. My faith is based on fact not on feelings and when we focus on the facts, feelings follow.
So I finally feel like I am resting. I am waiting patiently for my God, enjoying Him and feeling incredibly blessed to have this opportunity to rest and wait on Him.
"I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken". Psalm 62:1-2
I'm not very good at stopping still. I like to be occupied and contributing but clearly God had brought us here to do just that. Be still, rest and wait on Him. After the surgery, my main focus was on pain management but as I improved physically, I found myself wrestling with negative thoughts and emotions. All kinds of fears, lies and accusations came into my mind and I began to loathe the silence. How could I rest with all this negativity? Again... I prayed and all I was hearing was 'rest' and 'wait'.
There is a time for everything and this was my time to be still...time to trust, be loved, listen and learn. I didn't need to solve anything or have answers and as soon as I accepted that, I felt His wonderful peace. I started focussing my thoughts on the truth of God's word and giving less weight to my feelings, believing that though I don't 'feel' loved, though it doesn't 'feel' like things are under control...I am and things are!! I have to keep coming back to what is truth. My faith is based on fact not on feelings and when we focus on the facts, feelings follow.
So I finally feel like I am resting. I am waiting patiently for my God, enjoying Him and feeling incredibly blessed to have this opportunity to rest and wait on Him.
"I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken". Psalm 62:1-2
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